


Why Would You Do That

by agentcain



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Multiple Universes, Rabbits, Unethical Experimentation, cloning, disaster averted, everyone else gets to clean it up, moira does weird shit to animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 11:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14019279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentcain/pseuds/agentcain
Summary: How did all these rabbits get in here?





	Why Would You Do That

"We might have a small problem in Lab 2," came the worried voice of Lucio over the intercom. Angela looked up from where she was stitching up Morrison's stab wound and groaned.

"Really, Moira? Again? It better not be a repeat of the last incident," she growled. She really didn't want to deal with any more bizarre shenanigans - the past three days had really put her through the wringer, and her fellow team healers weren't really helping out that much.

"It's alright, I'll deal with it," she sent back. "You can go to bed now."

"What's going on? Where am I?" Morison looked around dazedly, trying to sit up. She held him down, shaking her head.

"Sit still, Jack. You've lost a lot of blood and I don't want you tearing your stitches," she said firmly. "I'm not going to ask you how you got this particular injury, but I do need you to rest." He nodded reluctantly, relaxing slightly. She forced herself to smile. "Gabriel will be along shortly to look after you," she continued. "Doesn't that sound nice? I'm paging him now." He nodded, closing his eyes.

She grabbed her commlink off the tray of medical instruments, checking to see if Morrison was out cold (he was) before calling Reaper.

"Hello," she said. "Look, we might have another problem due to your new friend the mad scientist. I need you to look after Jack for a while," she said quietly. "Make sure he doesn't freak out, tear his stitches, and bleed out on my floor while I'm busy."

"But I hate-"

"This is non-negotiable," she said irritably. "Get your ass to the medical bay in two minutes or I'll amputate it. Bye." And with that, she hung up over his protests, putting the medical equipment back in its proper drawers and heading for the door. Reyes was a stubborn man, but he had always listened to her. He wouldn't like it but he would show up and he would do as he was asked.

Maybe sometime soon, she'd even get those two to reconcile, she thought as she shut the door behind her.

Now for the real problem at hand. Fucking Moira O'Deorain and her fucking experiments.

"Good morning, Doctor Ziegler," came the automated voice of Athena, the base's computer. She raised an eyebrow.

"Is it morning? I didn't know." She'd been up all night - first dealing with McCree and Hanzo, who had somehow managed to shoot each other in the middle of the night (she didn't want to know what they had been doing that had led to that outcome), and then with Jameson, who had gotten his arm broken by a stray explosive, and finally with Jack, who had somehow managed to get himself stabbed.

...It had been a long night.

"Where's Moira?" she asked sullenly. "Damn, there isn't coffee in the world for this."

"Agent O'Deorain is in Lab 2," came the cheerful reply. "Should I notify her you are-"

"No!" shouted Angela. "Don't give her time to hide whatever the hell it is this time."

"Very well," said the computer. Angela continued on her way, muttering curses under her breath in her native language. The computer had most likely alerted the Talon scientist anyway - like it always notified McCree when Hanzo was coming in to shoot him after a particularly bad argument between the two. (She'd dealt with far too many of those particular incidents in the most recent weeks and she wished he would stop doing it)

She opened the door, eyes going wide at the sight inside.

"Where the fuck did you get that many rabbits?!" And indeed, that was the question - They were everywhere, what seemed to be hundreds of them. A seething mass of fluffy white rabbits, filling every corner of the room and covering the worktables. Moira stood in the corner, inspecting one with a disturbing smile.

"Ah, Doctor Ziegler," she said, greeting her with a smile and tucking the rabbit under her arm. "Glad you could come see the results of my work!"

"Where. Did. You. Get. The. Rabbits," said the irritated doctor through gritted teeth. "Spit. It. Out. Now."

“I didn’t,” responded Moira, holding up the one she carried. “Look!” As they watched, the rabbit started to twitch and thrash, its body deforming as Angela watched in disgust, until… Pop! The rabbit Moira held split into two identical rabbits, the new one falling to the floor and becoming lost among the veritable sea of its kind.

“No,” said Angela, shaking her head. “It’s too early in the morning for this shit.”

“Would you like to know how it works?” asked Moira, idly petting the bunny’s head.

“No,” said Angela truthfully.

Moira ignored the comment. “This rabbit here is the only real one.” she pointed to the one she held. “All the others are simply copies of it, from separate timelines.” She smiled. “The subjects appear to be cloning, but in reality, they are simply pulling alternate versions of themselves out of separate realities.” She smiled. “I hope you know what this means for the future, Doctor Ziegler!”

“Give it to me. Now,” she responded acidly, holding her arms out for the bunny. Moira drew back, holding the creature protectively closer. “I have a terrible night, bitch, and you’re here ripping holes in the fabric of reality.” Angela looked down just as another rabbit cloned itself, the new beast hopping off to join the mass. She sighed. “Lovely. So they’re increasing exponentially as well?”

“Yes,” said Moira excitedly. “It means I have proved that there are multiple universes!”

“Fantastic,” said Angela grumpily, kicking a rabbit off of her shoe. “Now how do we get rid of them?”

“By going back to the source,” said Moira, nodding to the rabbit she carried. “This is the ‘original’. Technically, they are all original, but since this is the one that started the reaction I will be referring to it as Rabbit Zero. As long as I know which one is the Rabbit Zero, I can reverse the procedure.”

“Great,” said Angela with no enthusiasm. “Now do it, please. I’m up to my ankles in fuzzy white rabbits, and this can’t be good for either the universes or the animals.”

“Oh, I will,” reassured the other. “I just want to first see how many I can -” Rabbit Zero suddenly started thrashing, catching her off guard, and she dropped it. It vanished into the heap, one of many identical beasts.

“Oh,” said Moira, all color draining from her face. “Oh no.”

“What’s the problem? We can just find it again,” said Angela, already preparing to spend the day sorting rabbits. “No big deal.”

“Th-they’re increasing exponentially,” said Moira worriedly. “It will be impossible to find it quicker than new ones are being summoned.”

“Well, then we better start now,” said Angela, wading through what was now nearly a waist-deep sea of rabbits. “Where did you drop it?"

"I don't know," said Moira, edging toward the door. "Let's get out. They're filling up the room."

"No! Wait!" shouted Angela. "They'll get into th-" But the door was already open, and the mass of rabbits freed from their prison. They swarmed out into the hallway, leaping in every possible direction and swerving down every corridor. She groaned. This was getting to be a genuine problem, even without the possibility of the rabbits multiplying and -

Wait. She stopped in her tracks, realizing something important. What if the rabbits didn't ever stop multiplying? They would certainly overrun the lab wing, and then the base, and then... Well.

We'd better get it sorted out quickly, then, she thought to herself. The alternative was... unacceptable.

But first, she'd have to enlist some help. Namely, the rest of Overwatch. She turned to Moira, who stood frozen in shock.

"Get on the intercom," she said. "Wake everyone up. Tell Athena to seal off this wing from the inside until we get this sorted out. To be clear - things in, yes, things out, no."

“Got it,” replied the other. She ran off down the hallway, muttering under her breath. Angela hoped she would simply do as asked, instead of ‘improvising’. The last time Moira had ‘improvised’ during a crisis, she had had to stitch five different agents back together after removing the spider.

“Greetings, Angela. May I ask what is going on in here?” She looked up to see a familiar Omnic face and nodded. In greeting.

“Morning, Zenyatta.” She gestured to the mass of rabbits. “This? Moira ripped a hole in the fabric of reality and now we’ve got to find the original one before they overflow the base.” She shook her head. “They’re multiplying exponentially, too.”

“Oh,” he replied, taken aback. “Could you explain in a bit more detail?”

“No,” said the healer tiredly. “I don't know. Ask the bitch herself when she comes back.” She gestured down the hallway. “She’s waking everyone else up. Do you mind helping me catch some of these?”

“Certainly,” he said. “I will help.”

“Great,” said Angela without much enthusiasm. “Let’s try putting numbers on some of them. Maybe then that’ll help.” She sighed. “Problem is, I don’t know how to distinguish the real one. Moira didn’t tell me.”

Just then, several alarms began blaring loudly. She jumped, cussing. “Shit! I told her to wake up the base, not set off the damn fire alarm!” She covered her ears, wincing.

“Attention! There is no fire, but we need your help in the medical wing,” came Moira’s voice over the intercom. “Everyone get there ASAP. Weapons will not be necessary.” There was a click as the intercom shut off.

“Wow,” said Angela. “That actually might have been a good idea. Everyone’s certainly awake now. And the thing about weapons was smart.” She knew that several agents, (most notably Jameson) would bring them anyway, but it was nice to try.

“Indeed,” replied her companion, handing her a rabbit. “Do you have a marker? We can start numbering them.”

“Yes,” she said, producing one of the many pens she kept in her coat pocket. “I’ll start with this one.”

She marked a 1 on the rabbit’s ear, setting it down to join the rest. She picked up the next one, writing a 2 on it, and so on. It went on like that for what seemed like an eternity.

“We have a problem,” said her companion, holding up two rabbits. She groaned. They both had the same number marked on them.

“Just what we needed.” She sat down, picking up a shaking rabbit and patting its head. “More of a mess.”

“I’m back,” said Moira, running down the hallway towards them and nearly tripping over a stray rabbit. “And I brought some of the others.”

“How do you know which one is Zero?” Asked Angela. “We’ve been tagging them, but…”

“Just keep doing that,” said Moira, picking up a rabbit. “Zero is the point in all of their timelines where they meet. Make a mark on her, and the rest will have it too because they all come after her.”

“Oh,” said Angela. “That’s a lot simpler.”

“Not really,” said Zenyatta. “Not if they are multiplying at this rate. And all over this wing.” He picked one up, taking the pen from Angela and marking its ear with a tally. Nothing.

“That’s why we need help,” said Angela, turning to Moira and handing her a pen. “Where’s everyone else? I thought you said they were following,” she said.

“Hello, Angela! What’s with all the rabbits?” She looked up, handing the pen off to Moira.

“Good morning, Genji,” she said. “Ask Moira. It’s her botched experiment, not mine.” She glared at the other woman, grabbing another pen. “Here you go.” She handed it to him. “Where’s everyone else?”

“They’re coming,” he responded. “It’s four in the morning. Give them their time.”

“We don’t have time,” she grumbled, gesturing to the ever-increasing rabbits. “Every second we waste, the problem gets bigger. Now start marking them. If you mark one and it shows up on all the others, give it to her.” She pointed at Moira. “Theoretically, then she can stop them from multiplying any further.”

“...Multiplying?” He tilted his head, confused.

“It’s a long story. Moira ripped a hole in the fabric of the universe and now the rabbits are cloning themselves. Now get going.” She turned around, picking up another rabbit. Nothing.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Angela turned around, nodding to the new arrival. “What’s with the rabbits, guys?”

“Glad you could join us, Lena,” she said, reaching for a pen and realizing she didn’t have any more. “Could you get us some more markers? We’re going to need them.”

“Alright,” she responded cheerfully, blinking back down the hallway. Angela wondered where everyone else is. “They better have gotten out of bed for this,” she mumbled under her breath.

“Don’t worry,” said Genji, who had heard. “I saw my brother in the hallway earlier. He seemed pretty grumpy, so he must have been woken up by the alarm.” She nodded, turning to him and releasing another rabbit back to the masses, which now reached up to her ankles. That was concerning.

“Did you see anyone else?” She asked.

“No, but I heard them,” he said. “I think Zarya’s up, I know Reinhardt is up because he was drunk and knocking stuff over in the kitchen again, and Ana was swearing at the fire alarm and going to get Fareeha, so presumably she is awake by now as well.”

Angela nodded. “Good.” She removed a stray rabbit from the counter, shaking her head. “Coincidentally,m did you stab Morrison?”

“Recently? No,” he said, confused. She nodded.

“Good to know. That reminds me, do you mind checking to see if Gabe is still watching him? He might bleed out if he does something stupid.” Genji nodded.

“Alright, Doctor Ziegler. Here’s your marker.” He tossed it to her and took off down the hallway. She kicked a rabbit, growling irritably. “There must be thousands of them in here by now…”

“Actually, more like ten thousand,” called Lena from the hallway, balancing several boxes of markers in her arms while trying not to trip over the fluffy white sea. “They’re really cute, but why are there so many?”

“Long story,” said Angela, looking around. “Where’d Moira go?”

“Over there,” responded Zenyatta serenely, pointing back towards the lab. “Presumably she is counting the ones over there.”

“Alright. Lena, you can put those here. Grab a marker, start marking them, and if the mark you make shows up on the rest, bring it to me.” She looked around. “Why don’t you take the left hallway? I’ll send someone else to help as soon as they show up.”

“Alright!” She zipped off in an orange blur, grabbing a marker.

“What the hell is this? Why’re there rabbits all over the hallways, Doctor?” She looked up from her work, waving to the new arrivals.

“Good morning, Jesse. Morning, Hanzo. Grab a marker and start marking them.” She gestured to the boxes as the pair stared in confusion. “You heard me. If the mark you make on one shows up on the rest, bring it to me.”

“Um, what? Sweetheart, you’re not makin’ any sense,” said McCree, confused. She glared at the cowboy.

“Shut up. I told you what to do, now fucking do it. The problem gets worse the more time you waste.” She tossed him a marker. “Get to work. You too,” she added, nodding to Hanzo. “And put that weapon away. You don’t need it.” She held out her hand expectantly for the bow and arrows.

“No,” he said. “Do not talk to him like that. He did nothing wrong.” She sighed dramatically.

“Alright, fine. I apologize. Now get to work before I shoot you.” He nodded, narrowing his eyes angrily, following the other man down the hallway she had indicated. She turned around and shoved another rabbit off the counter.

She was really starting to hate the cute, fluffy bunnies.

“G-Good morning, Angela!” Thud. She rolled her eyes.

“Hello, Reinhardt,” she said as cheerfully as she could manage, helping him up off the floor with great effort. “I appreciate your intent to help, but I’m going to have to ask you to hang out in the medical labs until you can stand on your own.”

“Oh, he’s fine,” said Ana dismissively, stepping out of the hallway. “He’s not that drunk.” She rushed over as he swayed, supporting him. “See? He’s fine!” She looked at him. “You can help out, right?”

“Yes,” he groaned. Angela shook her head firmly.

“No.” She pointed to the counter. “Sit here, Rein. I’ll fix you up something when it wears off.”

“Told you,” said Fareeha, crossing her arms and leaning against the corner. “Thanks, Doctor Ziegler. He already vomited once.”

“Fantastic,” she growled. “He better not throw up in here. It’ll be a bitch to clean up for sure.” She looked up, smiling. “Good morning, Fareeha!”

“Morning, Angela,” she replied, grinning and moving closer. “So what’s up with all the bunnies?”

“Uh, Moira did a thing,” said Angela. (God, did she love that smile.) “The rabbits are cloning. We have to find the first one. Just start marking them and if the mark shows up on the rest, bring that one to me.”

“Right you are,” she said. “Marker, please?” Angela nodded, handing her a marker and blushing as their fingers touched. She shook her head, turning away and reminding herself to stay focused. She didn’t have time for… that.

“Where’s everyone else?” Fareeha sat on the counter next to Reinhardt, handing him a plastic bag. “Here, Rein. Please don’t throw up on the floor.” She patted him on the back. He groaned, rubbing his forehead.

“Around in this wing,” she said, gesturing. “I think Moira’s in the lab unsupervised. No, wait, I think Zenyatta’s with her. Good.” She looked around, pointing. “Tracer’s over there, Hanzo and Jesse are in there, I sent Genji to check on Jack, and we’re in here.” She crossed her arms. “Hey, where’d your mother go?”

“I’m right here,” said Ana, petting a bunny. “Where are the markers?”

“Right here,” said Angela, tossing her one. She caught it easily, nodding.

“Thanks,” she said, smiling. “I’ll go check on the source of the problem.” She left down the hallway toward the lab.

“Fareeha?”

“Yes?”

“Would you go get the others? I think spoke people are lagging.” Angela smiled. “Hana probably slept through the fire alarm, and I think Sombra just ignored it.”

“Right you are,” responded Fareeha. “I saw Zarya in the hallway, by the way. I think she doesn’t know where to go.”

“No, I’m right here,” said the woman in question. “I brought Mei, too.”

“Good morning,” said the researcher cheerfully. “These bunnies are cute! Don’t worry, we met Genji in the hallway. He told us what was going on!”

“Great,” said Angela, handing them markers. “Why don’t you join Lena over there? She’s probably lonely. Fareeha, Ana, you two can stay here with me and Rein.”

“Got it,” responded Zarya. “Come on.” She waded through the sea of rabbits toward their assigned location, picking up the smaller woman and carrying her bridal style through the fluffy white creatures.

“They’re so cute,” whispered Fareeha. Angela nodded, handing her a rabbit and picking one up herself.

“I’m back, said Genji, leaping over the now waist-deep pool of rabbits. “God, there’s so many of them!”

“I... I don’t feel so good,” said Reinhardt. Fareeha scooted away from him surreptitiously, eyeing him nervously.

“Throw up in the bag,” said Angela. “Please don’t throw up on the -“

He threw up on the rabbits, leaning over. Angela groaned. That was going to be a mess to clean up-

“Angela, look!” Fareeha snatched up some of the vomit-covered rabbits, showing them to her and grinning. “Look at the rest of them!”

“Oh my God,” said Angela, smiling. “Reinhardt, you’re a hero!” He groaned, closing his eyes.

Not only were the rabbits he had thrown up on covered, the rest of them appeared that way as well.

“It’s that one,” said Angela, pointing. “They have your left handprint on them now, too.”

“Nice,” said the other woman, setting down the rest of the rabbits. “Now we just need to bring it to Moira, huh? And she can get rid of them?”

“Supposedly,”said Angela. “But I don’t really trust her to actually have a solution available.”

“That hardly inspires confidence,” said Moira, wading through the rabbits. “I saw the vomit and assumed one of you found it. Give it here.” Angela nodded reluctantly, handing her the bunny.

“So what now?”

“I inject it with this,” said Moira. She produced a syringe from her pocket, stabbing it into the flailing animal. It went slack, presumably unconscious. Angela blinked.

“So when are they going to disappear?”

“Disappear?” Moira laughed. “Oh, no, they’re not going to simply ‘disappear’.

“Um, what?”

“I told you. They’re not going to just disappear,” said Moira, walking back towards the lab. “The ones that are already here will stay. They have just stopped summoning new ones.” She smiled. “Is my solution inadequate somehow?”

“Um, yes?” Angela clenched her fists, forcing herself not to reach for her pistol. “They were supposed to go away. We do not need hundreds of thousands of fluffy white rabbits in the base.”

“We can revoke them,” said Moira dismissively. “Don’t worry about it.”

Angela punched her straight in the face. It might not have been the right thing to do, but it sure as hell felt good, she thought. Moira reeled back, rubbing at the spot. It was already bruising, Angela noted with some satisfaction. She still knew how to punch after all these years.

“Ow!” The scientist dropped the bunny. “Why would you do that? I -“

“Shut up,” said Angela. “Tell everyone to herd them into the labs. We’ll figure out what to do with them there. Poor things,” she muttered, realizing that the rabbits on the bottom of the pile must be in pain. She also noted that they also no longer appeared to be covered in vomit, save for the ones that actually were.

“BUNNIEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!!!” came the excited screech, as Hana Song flung herself down the hallway, practically vibrating from excitement. “Oh my God, they’re so cute!” She picked up a giant armful, squealing in delight. “They’re so fuzzy! I love them all!” She looked up at the trio.

“Please, can I keep them?”

“Only up to five,” said Angela’s before anyone could answer. “We need to get rid of the rest.” She turned to Fareeha. “Do you have any idea how to do that? Because I don’t.”

“No clue,” she responded. They looked at Moira. Moira shook her head.

“I can find homes for them,” said D.va. “I can ask my fans during my next stream!”

“That’s… actually a good idea,” said Angela wonderingly. “I’ll ask Lucio if he can help later, too.” Fareeha smiled.

“Looks like we’ve got it sorted out. I’m sure Bastion will want one too. He likes small fluffy things for some reason.”

“True,” said Angela. “I’m sure Efi will want one too. She’s been begging for a pet for a while now.” She picked up two of the rabbits. “We’ll get this sorted out eventually.” She smiled.

“Where are we going to keep them?”

“How about the common room? We can block it off until we have some of them reformed. I can go buy a bunch of food for them,” said Fareeha.”I also think Moira will want one of them back.” She looked back, but the Talon scientist had already left to do god-knows-what

Reinhardt threw up again, soaking a half dozen bunnies. Angela sighed.

“Maybe we should get him to the medical wing,” she said. “Before he makes a bigger mess.” She brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen in her face. “You go get everyone out of these hallways, I’ll take him to the medibay.”

“Deal.” Fareeha waded off through the sea of bunnies, and Angela turned to Reinhardt.

“Here we go,” she said. “I’ll help you. To the medical wing for you, huh?” She paused.

“Why are you so drunk? What happened last night?”

“I was drinking with Morrison,” he groaned. “We were having a knife throwing contest… I don’t remember much after that.” Angela sighed. That explained the stab wound Jack had gotten - how many times did she have to tell everyone not to use weapons while drunk out of their minds?

“It’ll be okay,” she reassured him, glad the worst of the disaster had been avoided.

Another disaster averted, thankfully. She hoped next time she would be as lucky.


End file.
